bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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