i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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