I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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