All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
