apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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