That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
are you so shy because you have an std?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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