Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
