new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh god it's open bar.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
