Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
