He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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