Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
