So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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