if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
