Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
