Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do vagina's smell?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
