i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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