she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
