he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
