she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I believe in your delicious
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
