Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
