9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
