my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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