we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
