I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want her autograph on my taint
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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