I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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