Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I party with great urgency now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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