Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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