dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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