I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
