I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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