Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
