I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
