you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
