You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Randomize
