You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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