the condom got lost in my hair
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's blow job season.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
