Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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