He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
