Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
