Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
