I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
