Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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