I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
