my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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