You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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