i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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