I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
