He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
