I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
