Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
