Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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