My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
