everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
