do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
