I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
MIDGETS
????
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
