I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
