Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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