when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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