She said her name was "party"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk is a universal language darling
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
