i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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