there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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