if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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