I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My dick has a subreddit
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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