Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
