He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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