Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk is a universal language darling
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
