i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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