I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
