Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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