and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
