My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
