if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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