I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
