The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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