He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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